Day 2 – Going well so far….sort of

Day 1 went well, all considered. After a morning of general house chores and the surprising painful removal of a Christmas tree we went swimming. Now I like swimming, my wife and toddler ‘Love’ swimming, which is fantastic and lovely to see. I have always been stupidly self conscious of whenever I’ve gone swimming, but that has faded a bit when I have grown older. In hindsight, I was always one of those fat kids who held their belly in when walking around of the pool (and girls) – a amazing illusion that fools absolutely no-one. Once inside the pool, you can breath normally so to speak, any shame is hidden under water. Well, yesterday the inadequacies of being ‘that fat kid with breathing problems’ came flooding back.

Now, I’m big – but I felt I was the biggest there yesterday. I clumsily rolled into the pool, trying not to show fear of the cold water along with trying not to show the crack of my arse. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed it – really enjoyed it, but seeing other dad’s there with their flat chests and stomachs made me realise how large I have become. Although tall, I have always had ‘child bearing hips’ even when I was thin, and with my mid life spread I have developed, it has resulted in me feeling a bit shit about my appearance when naked – *NB I wasn’t bollocko in the pool btw.

There was one guy (we’ll call him Dave) who was in his prime and he knew it – swimming to  the deep end then effortlessly lifted himself out (no steps) and then he sat on the edge of the pool. Despite sitting there with his legs in the water, like a garden gnome in a pond, he had no folds of fat or man boobs to show the world, only confidence, he didn’t need to breath in – he’s a prick Dave.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m pissed off about my weight and pissed off I’ve put weight on again, but I’ve enjoyed getting here and it’s all paid for as my mum would say. Any derogatory comments I make about myself are for my humour also, I’m looking forward to the change despite my child bearing hips. Swimming spurred me on. Afterwards, I was hungry but I had a small lunch of ham sandwich and rice crisps, along with a 0% fat yogurt and 4 chunks of dark chocolate – it was good and surprisingly filling. Later we had a Thai Red Curry which at the end of day was resulted in about 600 calories short of my overall 1960 calorie allowance on ‘My fitness Pal’. This was going to be easy….

Day 2 – Lost a pound (still not pooed at this point btw, so may be more). Today reader, I have been hungry and tempted. When I made my son’s dinner, I wanted him to leave some uneaten, even sucked would do – he didn’t and as I type I have about 800 calories left on my allowance for the day and still I haven’t had dinner. On a positive note, I feel better – although tired, less bloated and becoming more active at work. This ‘regime’ I’m on only started seriously 2 days ago, however I have been preparing myself now for about a week and already I am feeling the physical and mental benefits. The walking is good, inclines are getting easier and easier and once I get into my stride I don’t want to stop. All this is well and good, but I have to stick to it and hope my will power comes in from the cold and slaps me in the face.

I’m enjoying writing these brain bubbles of mine on this blog*.

*wonders how many carolies I’ve burned typing this and whether it will enable me to eat a slice of Victoria sponge – with cream……

Thanks for reading



Diary of a Big Unit – Day 1

I weighed myself this morning, after lying in bed for a hour or so wondering if I should do this blog. I’m no Jessica Fletcher when it comes to typing so you may have to bear with me as I feel (hopefully not) that this may be a short lived affair.

Just as a brief prologue, I’ve just turned 43, married and father to a every increasingly active 2 1/2 year old. I’m 6 Foot 2 Inches and have a waist that has been letting itself go for some time now. I’ve never done anything like this before but hope it may be cathartic in some way and I may even be able to burn calories if I type enough words – that’s how it works right? isn’t it?

Anyway, I weighed 18 Stone 5 pounds (pre poo btw, because that important) – or as my reluctant sleepy brainy thingy read it ’18 Fucking Stone 5 Bastard Pounds’ which is BIG for me and needs to stop. Physically and mentally, I’ll be honest, I feel a bit shit at the moment. I’m out of breath easily, irritable and short tempered, mildly depressed, achy in places I never have been before, my body is saggy like wet XXL t shirt hung on out a line and my cock feels like it has decided to hibernate between the triangle of fat that is my legs and belly. It’s affecting me it’s affecting my beautiful family.

However, I know I want and need to change it and felt (rightly or wrongly) that a diary of what I do may help. This may sound melodramatic and self indulgent but this is the most important event ever to occur and I intend to share my wittering’s of my daily feelings/losses/gains with you dear reader if you can be arsed.

Sooooo, I’ve have just been a NHS website to see if they agree with me that I may be carrying a bit of extra luggage. A helpful, at first friendly BMI calculator came back with that I am OBESE. It is a dickhead and was probably programmed by someone bigger than me, sat on their flange all day mentally masturbating over HTML . Sensitivity aside, its states that a ‘healthy weight’ for my height is between 10 Stone 4lb and 13 St 14lb…now this is bollocks. I would look ridiculous, like Shaggy of Scooby Doo or Lindow Man, either way I sure it would make people concerned for my health and at some point maybe a secret charity event would be arranged.

I intend to get to 16 Stone, which was a weight many years ago I was happy with. I have previously touched my fat toe into the ocean of diets that exist in the world, all to minimal and limited success – but this time I am going to exercise by walking my way to fitness. I’m not a gym goer, it’s shitty enough that I need to lose weight but to pay to do it in public with the enhancement of large mirrors, loud music, and powder drinking muscle fucks – no. I don’t need to be in a environment where I can see what other people look like post shag. All that ‘huffing and puffing’, sweat, staring and someone at some point shouting  in pain ‘COME ON…..arrrrr’ is not for me, unless I’m doing it in private – with my wife I may add.

Day 1 – well it’s a good start (despite the weigh in), I think I’ve lost a pound or two typing this. We’re hopefully going swimming today and a walk with the dogs, basically exercises I enjoy. To assist with the reversal of being a big unit, I intend to use a App called My Fitness Pal to monitor my daily intakes / outgoings and hopefully normal physical and mental services will resume after a few weeks. I will keep you updated, maybe even later today.

Thanks for reading