Day 1 went well, all considered. After a morning of general house chores and the surprising painful removal of a Christmas tree we went swimming. Now I like swimming, my wife and toddler ‘Love’ swimming, which is fantastic and lovely to see. I have always been stupidly self conscious of whenever I’ve gone swimming, but that has faded a bit when I have grown older. In hindsight, I was always one of those fat kids who held their belly in when walking around of the pool (and girls) – a amazing illusion that fools absolutely no-one. Once inside the pool, you can breath normally so to speak, any shame is hidden under water. Well, yesterday the inadequacies of being ‘that fat kid with breathing problems’ came flooding back.
Now, I’m big – but I felt I was the biggest there yesterday. I clumsily rolled into the pool, trying not to show fear of the cold water along with trying not to show the crack of my arse. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed it – really enjoyed it, but seeing other dad’s there with their flat chests and stomachs made me realise how large I have become. Although tall, I have always had ‘child bearing hips’ even when I was thin, and with my mid life spread I have developed, it has resulted in me feeling a bit shit about my appearance when naked – *NB I wasn’t bollocko in the pool btw.
There was one guy (we’ll call him Dave) who was in his prime and he knew it – swimming to the deep end then effortlessly lifted himself out (no steps) and then he sat on the edge of the pool. Despite sitting there with his legs in the water, like a garden gnome in a pond, he had no folds of fat or man boobs to show the world, only confidence, he didn’t need to breath in – he’s a prick Dave.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m pissed off about my weight and pissed off I’ve put weight on again, but I’ve enjoyed getting here and it’s all paid for as my mum would say. Any derogatory comments I make about myself are for my humour also, I’m looking forward to the change despite my child bearing hips. Swimming spurred me on. Afterwards, I was hungry but I had a small lunch of ham sandwich and rice crisps, along with a 0% fat yogurt and 4 chunks of dark chocolate – it was good and surprisingly filling. Later we had a Thai Red Curry which at the end of day was resulted in about 600 calories short of my overall 1960 calorie allowance on ‘My fitness Pal’. This was going to be easy….
Day 2 – Lost a pound (still not pooed at this point btw, so may be more). Today reader, I have been hungry and tempted. When I made my son’s dinner, I wanted him to leave some uneaten, even sucked would do – he didn’t and as I type I have about 800 calories left on my allowance for the day and still I haven’t had dinner. On a positive note, I feel better – although tired, less bloated and becoming more active at work. This ‘regime’ I’m on only started seriously 2 days ago, however I have been preparing myself now for about a week and already I am feeling the physical and mental benefits. The walking is good, inclines are getting easier and easier and once I get into my stride I don’t want to stop. All this is well and good, but I have to stick to it and hope my will power comes in from the cold and slaps me in the face.
I’m enjoying writing these brain bubbles of mine on this blog*.
*wonders how many carolies I’ve burned typing this and whether it will enable me to eat a slice of Victoria sponge – with cream……
Thanks for reading